My self care invite this week comes to you courtesy of self awareness. It's something I've been working hard on, to be more aware of when I'm heading out of alignment and into a feeling of struggle.
What I want you to know is this awareness is always open to us. It becomes more open to us when we work on knowing ourselves and our own capacity for joy, stress and struggle and when we recognise our hot points and trigger points.
It was bedtime, Sunday night and it was the end of about three weeks where one or both of the boys had been off with various things - coughs, chicken pox, croup and I'd had a cough too. I was thinking that the boys MAY be all ready to go back to school, but they were a little less sure than I was! I guess it's understandable when they have been hunkered down, comfortable and cosy with Mummy attention to not to want to break out of that bubble and get back into routine. I'd found that being a bit under the weather myself, and having the boys off for such an extended amount of time, I'd consciously slowed down and surrendered to looking after us all (I'm usually someone who wants to push on through and back to normal asap).
All I wanted was the boys to settle down and a quiet sit down on a Sunday night. I was tired and looking forwards to some chilling out. All they wanted was to tell me three hundred things all urgent. Or to sing a song. Also urgent, of course!
I could feel I was getting SO frustrated. And then I realised....I felt completely at capacity. My capacity had stretched and stretched whilst they were poorly until I had taken it all in. Until they were on the mend when I suddenly realised in that Sunday night moment just how on the edge of my capacity I was feeling. The other side of that capacity is being over capacity - which for me looks like easily frustrated, tired, fed up and wanting a quick resolution.
In recognising, I could respond to it, rather than react to it. I could NOTICE that it was happening for me. I could ask for help, so I didn't have to get stuck in that negative spiral myself. We could resolve the immediate bedtime situation, and I was able to take a step back because I had seen I was heading down a road born of frustration and tiredness.
By paying attention to myself, I was able to see I was running past my limit. In noticing, I was able to take back the step that I needed and be kind to myself. To ask myself what I most needed in that moment. I needed to give hugs and reassurance to help settle. I needed help with bedtime. And above all, I needed rest - an early night and meditation to soothe my soul and re-awaken my joy.
Your selfcare invitation this week:
Notice where YOU are feeling close to capacity this week. What does it look like, feel like, sound like? Offer yourself kindness with what you notice - this is not about judging yourself but offering yourself kindness with what you notice.
Also notice what will help you as you feel the edges of that capacity. What are the things that you know will support you getting back to a place of joy and thriving? Who do you need to call on for support or a friendly ear? What will help you get back to an even keel?
Until next time, friends.